How are we “sabotaging” our growth?
You may have heard of this, the “self-sabotage”. But what does it mean? To understand this, first we need to know that it is not “sabotage” in the way we understand the term (that being: to deliberately destroy or damage something). My interpretation of what I know from Parapsychology, self-sabotage just means that you are missing the magick of the moment by staying in the past or by keeping your focus outside of the collective reality too long; in Spirituality to me it means slowing your growth unconsciously by holding on to separation and not being true to yourself (unity); In the quantum world, I believe it just means unbalance; I know that there is a lot more to this but it helps to understand the basis and I like to keep it simple. So, what we need to know is- it does not mean you are doing it on purpose or deliberately, it means you are unconsciously doing this and there should be no “blame” “guilt” or “resentment” because of this.
But how can we really notice when we are self-sabotaging?
My interpretation of how it feels in real life to “self-sabotage” based on my life experiences so we can better acknowledge when we are doing it is: those things we unconsciously do and think about without knowing that it limits our power. Think of those “I knew I should have and didn’t” and the “I knew I shouldn’t have but did it anyways” moments. That is the physical feeling. When you have that intuitive moment that you ignore, mixed with the you know you knew. This is purely “ego” speaking btw, we need to know that we are exactly where we should be to learn what we need to, so we can express who we really are and contribute the way we came to contribute. There really is no such thing as I should have done this or that, every single decision that you made, you did it with all the knowledge and emotional tools you had at that given moment, you think differently now, because you know how your choice ended up. In the moment, all you have is either you (as your true self) or you (as reactivity based on the past).
Let’s go with an analogy to better understand this:
Amara used to love art when she was a child, she felt like she was an artist so she wanted go with that. Growing up her parents told her artists make no money and that she needed to study her maths. She hated math, but she did as she was told because she grew up in an unstable and dysfunctional household. Now as an adult, she is an accountant, and she is good at her job. Has a great house and car. In her personal life, there is not even a crayon to be found in her house, but she is in a relationship and although they fight a lot, when you ask Amara if she is happy, she says “yes”.
Inside, she feels emotionally unstable, trapped and angry at the world. There are always conflicts around her, she has many insecurities, always doble guessing her decisions and she relays in her parents to make the more important decisions in her life.
Then, how is Amara self-sabotaging?
If we could take a peek at Amara subconscious we would see she is conflicted between who she needs to be to keep her life, even though it feels like a lie at least is tangible and feels “real”, and her true needs and desires. She is unconsciously limiting her own potential by not being true to herself. If she could accept that not all her needs are being satisfied in her work, she may be able to stop being so angry at the world and perhaps notice that her boyfriend is truly align with her or accept if is not, and move on. If she accepts her art and integrates that part of her, she will release many of her insecurities, maybe enough to take charge of her life and decisions. She can contribute from her true self needs and be content. She does not need to quit her job, leave her boyfriend, sell the house and never talk to her parents again to feel like herself, maybe all she needs is to buy a box of crayons, a coloring book and just enjoy the moment without thinking what her parents will think if they saw her.
Amara self-sabotage are the decisions she makes when she avoids or hides her needs to accommodate the lie she adopted as her truth.
Is self-sabotage what you though it was? Can you relate to Amara?
May this help someone
Blessed be
Alchemist Eyes
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